prescription pills. It has been a tough three years for our family, but especially so for my dear wife Rose Mary. She is an only child and was very close to her loving mother who was only 74 when she passed. Rose Mary then suffered a lot of stress trying to serve her very unhappy dad. It became overwhelmingly difficult when her dad lost his beloved grandson Chris. His mental illness didn’t allow him to find much joy in his life and unfortunately, he didn’t understand how difficult his expressions of sorrow was on his daughter.

When my father-in-law took his life the ‘floodgates’ of grief poured out of Rose Mary. All that she had endured really hit her hard on the drive home from the hospital late Friday evening on January 12th. In fact, that whole weekend was a time of lamenting for Rose Mary. She cried out to God with feelings of grief over the loss of three of her closest family members. Obviously, the loss of our son caused the greatest grief, but the death of her dad also brought forth tremendous guilt. Rose Mary was a dedicated daughter to her dad but she often served out of duty rather than from love. “Why couldn’t I look past the lack of emotional love my dad was unable to provide me in my childhood years? I knew he loved me by his actions, by the way he loved my sons, and by the way he sacrificed and provided a life for me. But I guess I couldn’t get over my ‘perceived’ lack of love due to his inability to show loving emotions rather than angry flare ups!”

I was glad that Rose Mary was authentically grieving. I was so pleased that my very private wife was willing to be open and honest about her grief and guilt, not only to me but to several friends and family. Rose Mary knows her faults and gets frustrated when she acts in ways contrary to her desires. She wants to be a better person and do certain positive things, but she sometimes just can’t do so. Isn’t this true for all of us? Part of being human is to constantly struggle between the desires of our good-intentioned spirit and the actions driven by our weak flesh. Yet, despite her imperfections, I love the fact that Rose Mary recognizes and admits them to me.

“Thank you, Rose Mary, for your desire to grow and change. Thanks for admitting your weaknesses to me and for becoming more authentic with family and friends. Your desire to grow your spirit is one of your most attractive attributes. I love you and thank you for knowing that life here on earth is a testing place, not a resting place!”

Epilogue

I wrote the above reflection in May 2018 and now more than a year later, Rose Mary still has the occasional bouts of heavy guilt over the death of her dad. She has been comforted by accepting the unconditional grace, forgiveness and love that only our Heavenly Father can provide. I am proud of her for the faith she has displayed during these very trying times.

We have been receiving relationship ‘coaching’ that has been helpful for our marriage and other relationships. We are learning that every person has various past relationship wounds that affect the health of their current relationships. Rose Mary and I don’t have it ‘all together’ and we never will here on earth, but we desire to learn and grow for our own benefit and hopefully we can help others along the way.

 

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prescription pills. It has been a tough three years for our family, but especially so for my dear wife Rose Mary. She is an only child and was very close to her loving mother who was only 74 when she passed. Rose Mary then suffered a lot of stress trying to serve her very unhappy dad. It became overwhelmingly difficult when her dad lost his beloved grandson Chris. His mental illness didn’t allow him to find much joy in his life and unfortunately, he didn’t understand how difficult his expressions of sorrow was on his daughter.

When my father-in-law took his life the ‘floodgates’ of grief poured out of Rose Mary. All that she had endured really hit her hard on the drive home from the hospital late Friday evening on January 12th. In fact, that whole weekend was a time of lamenting for Rose Mary. She cried out to God with feelings of grief over the loss of three of her closest family members. Obviously, the loss of our son caused the greatest grief, but the death of her dad also brought forth tremendous guilt. Rose Mary was a dedicated daughter to her dad but she often served out of duty rather than from love. “Why couldn’t I look past the lack of emotional love my dad was unable to provide me in my childhood years? I knew he loved me by his actions, by the way he loved my sons, and by the way he sacrificed and provided a life for me. But I guess I couldn’t get over my ‘perceived’ lack of love due to his inability to show loving emotions rather than angry flare ups!”

“Thank you, Rose Mary, for your desire to grow and change. Thanks for admitting your weaknesses to me and for becoming more authentic with family and friends. Your desire to grow your spirit is one of your most attractive attributes. I love you and thank you for knowing that life here on earth is a testing place, not a resting place!”

Epilogue

I wrote the above reflection in May 2018 and now more than a year later, Rose Mary still has the occasional bouts of heavy guilt over the death of her dad. She has been comforted by accepting the unconditional grace, forgiveness and love that only our Heavenly Father can provide. I am proud of her for the faith she has displayed during these very trying times.

We have been receiving relationship ‘coaching’ that has been helpful for our marriage and other relationships. We are learning that every person has various past relationship wounds that affect the health of their current relationships. Rose Mary and I don’t have it ‘all together’ and we never will here on earth, but we desire to learn and grow for our own benefit and hopefully we can help others along the way.

 

← Return to Living In Faith